"Needs more cowbell" - Christopher Walkin on SNL 

"Life's tough.  It's tougher when you're stupid."  -  John Wayne

"Making good decisions is generally the result of experience.  Experience is generally the result of making bad decisions." - Old Police Sergeant

"Americans are a kind, charitable, loving, outgoing people.  Which is a good thing since so many of them carry concealed weapons." - Unk

“Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence in society.” - Mark Twain

“I walk around like everything’s fine, but deep down, inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.” - Anonymous

"If you pick up an old homeless dog, being him home, care for him and feed him and make him prosperous he won't bite you.  This is the principal difference between a dog and a man" - Mark Twain

"If you can keep you head when all others about you are losing theirs, you probably just don't understand the situation." - Rudyard Kipling

“There are three kinds of men.  The ones that learn by readin’.  The few who learn by observn'.  The rest of us have to pee on the electric fence for ourselves.”- Will Rogers

"Photograph - A representation in two dimensions of something wearisome in three." -Ambrose Bierce

"Chemistry is a lesson you take in college where you learn two plus two is 10, or something." - Dennis Rodman

"Adventure is usually just bad planning." - unknown 

“When I die, I want to go peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather. Not screaming in terror, like the passengers in his car.”  - Jack Handey

"Any time you gotta too much, you gotta whole lot. Look, I explain it to you...sometimes you no got enough, it's too much, you gotta whole lot. Sometimes you got a little bit. You no think it's enough, somebody else maybe thinks itsa too much, itsa whole lot too. Now, itsa whole lot, itsa too much, itsa too much, itsa whole lot...same thing." - Chico Marx

"Perfect is the enemy of good."  It also screws up your chances of getting off work on time." - Me

"Don’t you just hate it when someone interrupts your Rant of Absolute Knowledge by asking for facts?" - Dr. Roger Cicala